A Different Culture
“Mom,” my son told me, “try to remember not to get so close to the American people when you talk to them and especially be very careful about not touching them.” I said, “I am aware I need to restrain myself from doing it, but it is difficult for me to act differently, it just comes naturally.” I know Mom,” he said, “but some of the Americans may not understand that you come from a different culture.” I recall having this conversation with my oldest son several years ago. At that time, I tried to follow my son’s advice to certain degree, yet it was still hard to change my attitude completely. Well, I have to admit that it has been a little bit challenging to get used to the American culture and way of life.
There were some things that I had to change when I started living in this country. For example, in Colombia, you can be more expressive when you talk to acquaintances. We get very close to them and very often we touch them, grabbing them by their arms or padding them on their backs. We feel very comfortable showing them demonstrations of sympathy and trusting since most people there are very warm and friendly. We are also allowed to get very close to someone else’s babies. The culture even allows us to admire them close up, talk to them and caress them. Parents are usually very proud of this attention. In this country, I really need to restrain myself. This was true, especially when I lived in Pennsylvania and Connecticut, where people were less friendly and more suspicious. Living in El Paso as a foreigner, has giving me a little bit more freedom to be myself because many of the residents here come from Mexican ancestors and in general are more friendly and trusting. However, I still have to study the occasion carefully when I approach some of them and respond according to the situation.
As mentioned, my son gave me guidance regarding the American culture. It took a while to assimilate his recommendations, but eventually, I yielded. I assume now that my son was probably embarrassed of the way I acted. Even though I might had responded a little bit defensive to my son’s observation in the past, I had to recognize that he was born in the USA and was more familiar with the American culture. It was interesting to notice that once my son became a teenager and I had the opportunity to take him to visit my family in Colombia more often, he told me one day, “Mom, now I understand more your culture and the reason why you are the way you are, I can tell your Colombian family is very loving and likes to hug others all the time.” After this comment, I felt much better because I knew I had given him the chance to get familiar with my culture and to know some of the reasons why I was somehow different to the American culture. I could observe my son felt very happy spending time with my family and was always looking forward to seeing them every summer. After these experiences, I noticed he started to have more freedom to express his affection and feelings to his American friends in a more open way. Today, I remember very vividly the day when he approached me and said, “Mom, now I had realized that I am in some ways like you and I honestly enjoy getting closer to people and showing them my feelings with some touching and hugs.” After listening to him, I sighted, smiled in approval, and gave him a hug.
I also remember another experience my son and I shared when we moved to Colorado. He had started his first year of high school and was part of the basketball team. One of the team members did not care for either one of us. He was indifferent and unfriendly. This situation really bothered me and I thought to myself, “I have to do something about it.” Then I decided to look for an opportunity to talk to this young man after one of the basketball games. When the day came, I told him a few kind words to break the ice. Although, he didn’t respond friendly to my approach, he seemed okay with my action. Nevertheless, some days later, to my surprise, my son told me that this boy had told him that his Mom was a weirdo. My son had tried to defend me, short of fighting with him. In spite of attempting to ignore that comment, I was very affected by the whole situation and my feelings were very hurt. At that point, I just decided to let it go and pray for peace. I told my son how I felt and after several days he told me that I didn’t have to worry anymore about what this boy said because the school's directors had found out that he was a bad boy and was in a lot of trouble. This individual had been caught not only using drugs but also selling them to other students in the high school. After being discovered, his penalty was expulsion. At that moment I was able to understand why it wasn’t worth worrying about this person’s opinion. Sincerely, I was sorry for him and asked God to bring him to the right path and keep protecting my son from bad influences. My son had confessed me later that this student had been offering him drugs a few times. I learned from this anecdote that some people have very difficult challenges in their lives and first need to learn how to like and love themselves before they have the capacity to accept and like other people who in some way may look and act differently.
Today, I feel I have become more mature and more accustomed to the American culture and also know how to respond better to these differences. These experiences involving my son’s life have given me a great and remarkable opportunity to teach him something new about my own culture and had given him the fortune to understand and feel more comfortable about certain behaviors, including his own.
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