DREAMING TO BE A STUDENT EVER AFTER
It was the first and the last time in my whole life that I completely understood why students commit suicide after the SAT’s. I was sitting on my hard chair in front of my familiar light, brownish table, where I had been studying for the last 12 years. My eyes were focusing nowhere, and I felt lost. I was bogged down in the swamp of total defeat. The only thing I could do was to think. Think about what I had just done. I thought about what I had just thought, and then, everything became blurred. I couldn’t do anything. It was only one day after I had screwed up my SAT.
What made me sink into deeper grief was the dim future that awaited me. I didn’t want to face it. I had grown up hearing that unsuccessful ambition is worthless. It was not just me. Every student is forced to study extremely hard for success. There were no jobs, there was no worthiness, and there were no opportunities for those who didn’t go to university or even those who went to a low-level university. As a result, blowing the test meant that I would become one of life’s losers.
In Korea, to escape from being surplus people in society (Giho 55), one has to study. Even the teachers in my high school suggested I apply only to high-level universities in order to elevate the reputation of my school in our town. It seemed like a competition for schools to see how many of their students would go to a good university. They seemed to be most interested in making big banners to display in front of the school indicating that they succeeded in sending students to THIS University. For students, there were no dreams. We didn’t know how to dream. We didn’t know what we wanted to do in the future because no one taught us that we had choices. No one ever said anything about dreaming.
With unsure expectations, I finally finished writing ten applications and spent almost 700 dollars. I, understandably, chose the most popular universities and the most popular majors at each university. I chose general mathematics, mathematical statistics, architecture, education, urban engineering, and natural science. Did I know what those majors were all about? Did I know what I wanted the most? Did I know what my dream was? No, I did not. I did know that they were the best. They were the prestigious majors. Soon however, it was obvious that my 700 dollars had come to nothing. Six of the applications were returned telling me not to come. But I didn’t feel sad. I wasn’t unhappy at all because I had never wanted to study what I had never even dreamed about.
The result of this whole process of finding my university was that I was partly accepted by one in the major of architecture. When the result was announced, my homeroom teacher printed it immediately and came to me gasping. She called me to the back of the classroom where all the students were studying quietly. Her face was full of pride because she had finally succeeded in having a good student. I, however, couldn’t be happy. I just went back to my seat silently, hoping no one was looking at me. I grabbed the paper calmly and folded it perfectly in half. At the same time, I folded my mind perfectly in half, so as not to hope anything. Even though that paper indicated that I had gone one step further than others, I felt nothing.
Finally, the day came. It was Thursday of the third week in November, and it was a very cold day. The wind chilled me to the bone, to the head. Lots of students from other schools were mingling in a quiet classroom. Even just right before the test, I didn’t take it seriously. It was all just like a normal test, not a matter of life or death. However, when I opened the booklet of the math exam, I literally panicked. The exam became an opponent. It was too hard, and ironically, it was the most important subject for me to be able to enroll. I couldn’t focus on the rest of the tests at all. After the whole exam finished, I walked home alone in the dark. Every minute seemed like a thousand. Whenever I saw mothers of students, I felt guilty that I couldn’t do well and I really didn’t want to go home. I really didn’t want to graduate from high school. I really wanted to stay in a safe school without thinking of the future, of being an adult.
The day after I screwed up the SAT was quite different from what I had expected. I thought that it would be the most horrible day of my life, but it was quite normal. The sun shone on my face, the wind blew through the window. Another day had just started normally, but I had not. All the things I had planned for after the big exam had come to nothing. I was deeply disappointed in myself and everything around me. I just cried, lying on my bed, and I started to hate that I was still alive without any future. I hated that all the expectations of me that I would have been a good student had been false.
Through the process to be successful, I had become completely exhausted. I had never had the chance of knowing myself, being concerned about my future, dreaming about ambitions. I was just made to be a person who graduated in good circumstances. I couldn’t expect glory because I didn’t know what it was. Because I didn’t think about it. Because I didn’t imagine it ever. Finally, I got lost.
I knew that studying was the only important thing, and also, that only studying could make students go to university. I, on the other hand, regretted that I had not found out more about my dreams, my interests, or my goals because I would have been more prepared for choosing my future. I would have had more positive thoughts about myself. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to experience that depressing time at all.
In the end, and after many more applications four of which were accepted, I decided to study architecture. I was interested in making something with my hands, and moreover, I didn’t want to study mathematics or science any more. I still remember those days with regrets. I now realize that if I had known that I would study architecture, I would have found another university that has good architectural programs. However, I also think that I was very lucky that one of those applications fortunately turned out to be my dream, my future. Although this was the most depressing period of my life, it was a part of my experiences. It is part of me.
Only studying can make students go to university nowadays. But I insist that dreams and knowing about oneself are just as important as studying. Sad to say, in Korea our harsh society sees dreams as unnecessary luxuries for students. I read a book about high school students and university students’ youth recently. It was written by students and one teacher, and it talked about dreams, teenage issues, and our current society. Students don’t want to be adults who seem to be persons without freedom and happiness, even though adults keep saying they will succeed if they follow the rules of society. So, as young adults, we keep saying to the world: We have dreams, we have desires. Why can society not acknowledge this?
Works Cited
Giho, Eom. “Why this is Not a Youth." Gyunggi: Hyekyung, Kim.
15 Oct. (2010): 52-58.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Thursday, September 15, 2011
STUDENT WRITING: Autobiographical by DAVID SAUCEDO
Nobody Said It Was Easy
As an undergraduate student in Mexico, I decided to participate in an entrepreneur project. It was a great opportunity to go beyond my limits and see what I could do working under pressure. Additionally, it was a big chance to escape from the memories of a long relationship with a girl that I always saw after classes walking around the college. The main purpose of that competition was to develop a product or service and then to design an effective and successful business plan for it. It was a ferocious competition in which many students had participated coming up not only with different kinds of ideas, but also with highly innovative ones. Although the award was very special, that academic project simply represented for me the opportunity to keep my head working and move a step forward. In other words, I wanted to put the past behind me and go wherever I could go in the near future.
Definitely, it was hard work to develop that project along with the other academic projects, exams, and tasks required by the school. On the other hand, it was a great and valuable experience. After many presentations, sleepless nights, and a close decision by the judge, I realized that I had won. As a consequence, I received the opportunity to be enrolled in an American school (Babson College) during the summer of 2005. It would be my first experience completely alone, far away from home. At the beginning, I thought that that event would be just a pleasant tourist experience. However, it would be an event that would shape my life in many ways.
After a long and tiring trip that started in Monterrey, Mexico, I arrived in Boston. My first experience started when I decided to take a taxi and go to the University’s apartments. As soon as I asked for a taxi, I realized that something was wrong with my precarious level of English. However, I did not know that Pandora’s Box had already been opened. Observing from the taxi, I was astonished by that Irish but now American city. The day was amazing and both the clear sky and the sun allowed me to see beyond the area I had explored so far. Once I arrived at my apartment, I decided to walk around the university campus which was a totally quiet, huge, green forest far away from the city. While I was walking, I started to think about my experience with the taxi driver and our neolithic conversation characterized by slow words and symbols. Since I did not find my classroom right away, I arrived late for my first day of school.
When I opened the classroom door, I heard Professor Robert’s deep and tough voice: “You will have one month to prepare an effective business plan and then present it to our faculty, staff, and your partners. Do you understand? This is not a picnic, guys! This is Babson College and you need to work very hard on it. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. Suddenly I realized that those words were the beginning of a long and unfamiliar summer. As I was taking my seat, I took a quick look around. No other Mexicans or Latinos were there. Only gringos with white collars. In other words, no help, support, or insight from someone that I could talk to. The following activities during and outside the class helped me not only to meet other classmates, but also to realize that my first experience far away from home would be a big challenge and not just a fun experience.
I decided to do my best in everyday activities, but it was more and more difficult to communicate properly with people who only spoke English. Although I had studied (basic) English before, it was not the same to practice my listening and speaking skills with my Mexican accent as with a sophisticated academic English language and accent. As a consequence, I recognized that to develop a professional business plan and present it was not the only the challenge I faced. I had to learn, practice, and improve my English by myself as soon as possible. It was a difficult situation that started to complicate my existence. Moreover, everything was different there. At the beginning, at the campus’s cafeteria ordering lunch was always a chore. Even though the food was not good and really expensive, it was the only option that I had at that moment. Furthermore, participation during class and activities in teams were important issues which I did not want to face. No matter how big my effort was to understand, my shyness during those activities was even greater. After many days of little participation, one day I was literally obligated by the professors to give my personal opinion in a group discussion activity and at the same time give them a preliminary version of my work. As soon as I became aware of the fact that that participation would be with the whole class in front of me, I started to feel butterflies in my stomach. I said to myself: “This is the end.” As I was walking to the front of the class, I was so flushed that I could feel the heat not only in my face but in my neck and chest. I was terrified, but after a quick look around and direct eye contact with the class, I realized that I did not have any choice. I do not know how, but I started to give my speech. That day proved and helped me to feel that I had the time and (limited) skills in order to do better. It was oxygen for my self-esteem and the opportunity to make my best effort. I realized that it was a fight where I actually had a chance (Kwok 54).
One week before the last presentation, I decided to work very hard at the library where I could find all the resources and references I needed. Additionally, it was the place in which I could find help or nice conversations with my teammates while I was working on my project. Consequently, I started to lose the fear of speaking in English with native speakers which represented a big achievement. As I was listening to my own conversation, I became aware of a lot of mistakes in my pronunciation and probably invented a new vocabulary in English. Nevertheless, I decided to take that opportunity and go beyond my comfort zone. It was necessary to take that chance, make mistakes and recognize them with the aim to learn and grow in the future. Moreover, I was totally confident about what I had learned while I was doing the project and I decided to continue with persistence and resilience in order to succeed in presenting my business plan (Simmons 39). Before starting my presentation, I imagined myself in front of the class. This time there were no butterflies, just the classmates and the faculty. Once I took a quick look around the class again, I was confident that I could do a good job within my possibilities and that was exactly what happened.
To accept the challenge of developing an entrepreneur project meant a great opportunity to shape and reveal some aspects of my personality. I recognized that nobody said that it would be easy, but this experience gave me not only the opportunity to visit another country and another culture, but also to take a step forward and see what I could do working under pressure. Of course, I know that this kind of experience is not unique. I am convinced that many of these types of scenarios happen every day with other people and under other kinds of circumstances. I also know that this great experience far away from home was a great learning tool for the future.
Works Cited
Kwok, Jean. Girl in Translation. London, England: Riverhead Books, 2010. Print
Simmons, Russell. Do You! New York, United States: Gotham Books, 2008. Print
As an undergraduate student in Mexico, I decided to participate in an entrepreneur project. It was a great opportunity to go beyond my limits and see what I could do working under pressure. Additionally, it was a big chance to escape from the memories of a long relationship with a girl that I always saw after classes walking around the college. The main purpose of that competition was to develop a product or service and then to design an effective and successful business plan for it. It was a ferocious competition in which many students had participated coming up not only with different kinds of ideas, but also with highly innovative ones. Although the award was very special, that academic project simply represented for me the opportunity to keep my head working and move a step forward. In other words, I wanted to put the past behind me and go wherever I could go in the near future.
Definitely, it was hard work to develop that project along with the other academic projects, exams, and tasks required by the school. On the other hand, it was a great and valuable experience. After many presentations, sleepless nights, and a close decision by the judge, I realized that I had won. As a consequence, I received the opportunity to be enrolled in an American school (Babson College) during the summer of 2005. It would be my first experience completely alone, far away from home. At the beginning, I thought that that event would be just a pleasant tourist experience. However, it would be an event that would shape my life in many ways.
After a long and tiring trip that started in Monterrey, Mexico, I arrived in Boston. My first experience started when I decided to take a taxi and go to the University’s apartments. As soon as I asked for a taxi, I realized that something was wrong with my precarious level of English. However, I did not know that Pandora’s Box had already been opened. Observing from the taxi, I was astonished by that Irish but now American city. The day was amazing and both the clear sky and the sun allowed me to see beyond the area I had explored so far. Once I arrived at my apartment, I decided to walk around the university campus which was a totally quiet, huge, green forest far away from the city. While I was walking, I started to think about my experience with the taxi driver and our neolithic conversation characterized by slow words and symbols. Since I did not find my classroom right away, I arrived late for my first day of school.
When I opened the classroom door, I heard Professor Robert’s deep and tough voice: “You will have one month to prepare an effective business plan and then present it to our faculty, staff, and your partners. Do you understand? This is not a picnic, guys! This is Babson College and you need to work very hard on it. Despite the cold, I started to sweat. Suddenly I realized that those words were the beginning of a long and unfamiliar summer. As I was taking my seat, I took a quick look around. No other Mexicans or Latinos were there. Only gringos with white collars. In other words, no help, support, or insight from someone that I could talk to. The following activities during and outside the class helped me not only to meet other classmates, but also to realize that my first experience far away from home would be a big challenge and not just a fun experience.
I decided to do my best in everyday activities, but it was more and more difficult to communicate properly with people who only spoke English. Although I had studied (basic) English before, it was not the same to practice my listening and speaking skills with my Mexican accent as with a sophisticated academic English language and accent. As a consequence, I recognized that to develop a professional business plan and present it was not the only the challenge I faced. I had to learn, practice, and improve my English by myself as soon as possible. It was a difficult situation that started to complicate my existence. Moreover, everything was different there. At the beginning, at the campus’s cafeteria ordering lunch was always a chore. Even though the food was not good and really expensive, it was the only option that I had at that moment. Furthermore, participation during class and activities in teams were important issues which I did not want to face. No matter how big my effort was to understand, my shyness during those activities was even greater. After many days of little participation, one day I was literally obligated by the professors to give my personal opinion in a group discussion activity and at the same time give them a preliminary version of my work. As soon as I became aware of the fact that that participation would be with the whole class in front of me, I started to feel butterflies in my stomach. I said to myself: “This is the end.” As I was walking to the front of the class, I was so flushed that I could feel the heat not only in my face but in my neck and chest. I was terrified, but after a quick look around and direct eye contact with the class, I realized that I did not have any choice. I do not know how, but I started to give my speech. That day proved and helped me to feel that I had the time and (limited) skills in order to do better. It was oxygen for my self-esteem and the opportunity to make my best effort. I realized that it was a fight where I actually had a chance (Kwok 54).
One week before the last presentation, I decided to work very hard at the library where I could find all the resources and references I needed. Additionally, it was the place in which I could find help or nice conversations with my teammates while I was working on my project. Consequently, I started to lose the fear of speaking in English with native speakers which represented a big achievement. As I was listening to my own conversation, I became aware of a lot of mistakes in my pronunciation and probably invented a new vocabulary in English. Nevertheless, I decided to take that opportunity and go beyond my comfort zone. It was necessary to take that chance, make mistakes and recognize them with the aim to learn and grow in the future. Moreover, I was totally confident about what I had learned while I was doing the project and I decided to continue with persistence and resilience in order to succeed in presenting my business plan (Simmons 39). Before starting my presentation, I imagined myself in front of the class. This time there were no butterflies, just the classmates and the faculty. Once I took a quick look around the class again, I was confident that I could do a good job within my possibilities and that was exactly what happened.
To accept the challenge of developing an entrepreneur project meant a great opportunity to shape and reveal some aspects of my personality. I recognized that nobody said that it would be easy, but this experience gave me not only the opportunity to visit another country and another culture, but also to take a step forward and see what I could do working under pressure. Of course, I know that this kind of experience is not unique. I am convinced that many of these types of scenarios happen every day with other people and under other kinds of circumstances. I also know that this great experience far away from home was a great learning tool for the future.
Works Cited
Kwok, Jean. Girl in Translation. London, England: Riverhead Books, 2010. Print
Simmons, Russell. Do You! New York, United States: Gotham Books, 2008. Print
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